When you hit a hard spot in your life you either jump back on your feet and set forth more carefully and confidently or you begin to reprimand yourself for everything that has ever happened to you. Self-reproaching, blaming your bad luck, and self-loathing is not coping mechanism rather it breaks your self-confidence. It thwarts your mental health.
It affects your subconscious mind which tricks you into thinking that you are not worth anything. that's why you need self compassion.
You become stricter with yourself always restricting what your heart wants to say or do. You hate how you dress, you condemn your lack of skill, and you don’t like your body or how your nose looks. Blaming or hating yourself is easy but loving yourself is challenging especially when there are so-called societal standards one needs to follow.
What are the consequences of self-criticism?
The more you seek validation from others, the more you question whether you're worthy of your success, the more you compare yourself to others, the more jealous you become, and so on. There will be feelings of worthlessness, negative thoughts will keep erupting, and you will have low self-esteem.
Difference between Narcissism and self-love-
People might get confused between a narcissist and a self-compassionate person. Narcissistic people can’t stop talking about themselves, always want to be the center of attention, and have lower self-esteem. While self-love focuses on being your true self, having a confident personality, and taking care of yourself.
How to practice self-love or self-compassion?
1. Self-assessment
Self-assessment means you need to know yourself more, your feelings, and your emotions in different situations. How do you react when someone else criticizes you? How well do you take failures? Get to the root of the problem what is triggering your insecurity?
While you do this be true to yourself. After all, It’s hard to get love when you don’t love yourself first. Confront your self-critic and make them your friend.
2. Positive self-talk
Remove all the negative self-talk or even in public don’t self-depreciate for others’ amusement. Don’t get into all negative talks such as ‘’maybe I am the problem’’ and try to live in reality. All things happen for a reason and life is too short to keep cursing yourself.
3. Acknowledging shortcomings and achievement
There are things and situations in your control and larger forces very much outside your control. You may work toward self-improvement if you truly want to change a few things attainable through hard work. But you cannot control what people think of you or how they feel about you so why delve into that at all?
Imperfection is perfectly normal and should be celebrated instead of being ashamed of it.
Acknowledgment of success means that you own up to the persistence, courage, and hard work you have done to reach your goals no matter if it is a short-term or long-term goal.
4. Practicing mindfulness
Once upon a time a lady came to lord Buddha with his dead son and asked him to revive his son as she loved him the most. lord Buddha asked her to bring rice from any one household where no one has ever died of course the lady couldn’t find any.
The moral of this anecdote is that everybody struggles in their life to let go of something, disappointed in not getting what they want. Suffering, pain, and agony of separation are a part of life. Once you are comfortable with these feelings you would feel more at home and free.
5. Message to self
Here is one effective way to tackle a bad day. When you are unwilling to share your day with anyone but still want to get it out of you, write. A letter, a diary entry, or any short note to yourself about what set you off and it works like a charm every time.
6. Using positive affirmation
‘’You are what you believe”. Remove using, ‘’I could have or should have’’ and practice saying aloud phrases like-
‘’I did my best and it’s okay if it’s not perfect’’.
‘’I am worthy of success’’.
‘’I am fun to be around’’ and ‘’I am blessed’’.
‘’I am loved and I love myself’’.
In conclusion-
Self-compassion means not judging yourself harshly it means allowing feelings and emotions in but not letting them drive your actions. It is a journey where you acknowledge your shortcomings but move past them. Be a good friend to yourself and say things that are not harmful to you. You don’t have to carry the shame or guilt of not being up to others’ expectations. By allowing self-compassion we can become happier, more resilient, more confident, and more optimistic instead of being ashamed, fearful, and depressed.
About the author
Priti Kumari Rajak is a new content writer with an English major. She was born on May 26, 2003, in Kharagpur, West Bengal, and is currently in Bhubaneswar for her graduation. She reads a lot and could probably talk about books all day. She is always eager to learn new skills and never cowers away from hard work. She is a dedicated and orderly individual who has a passion for writing.
Reach her at
Email- priti.kr.rajak098@gmail.com
LinkedIn profile- www.linkedin.com/in/priti-kumari-rajak098